5 Ways to Get OUT of your Pajamas & IN to the world
Hey Babe. Are you fighting the lack motivation and inspiration? BEEN. THERE. Unfortunately, it's not motivation that achieves our goals, but I mean.. it definitely doesn't hurt to look for it. I know you, I AM you. & I'm here to help. IMPJ came to be because as a mother of 4, my life never seems to stop & I quite often found myself always in my pajamas..or PaJanas, as I like to call them ;)
Running errands, playing with my kids, cleaning house, tending to the yard, feeding animals, working out even! This more-so was when I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mother.
Now that I'm fortunate enough to be a working mother, I find my most enlightening moments, still in my pajanas. Early mornings, before the chaos ensues, I pick up my rarely quiet house, make myself whatever beverage or meal I go for that morning, and if time allows, I will sit and plan my day, budget, listen to podcasts (Stay Tuned for Mine!), read up on self-improvement articles and educate myself on anything that pertains to my business (Not all of these things happen, but I try to squeeze in SOMETHING to get my mind right) Bedtime, as the chaos simmers, I transition into my nightly routine - get into pajamas (you saw that coming, didn't you?), stretch/yoga/meditate, prep for the next day, wash my face, journal, read, etc. Again, not all of this always happens, or even in this order. I try to always provide myself with enough Grace to know that any mixture or amount of these things is perfectly fine, as long as I have given enough attention to myself to refill or recharge.
Now, I love a good PaJana day, and I'm not here to knock it at all. But my GOODNESS how powerful I feel when I'm sweating in the gym in a cute set. Or how about those business days? A sleek Blazer, or a sexy button-up tucked in to show off that cute belt. When you LOOK good you FEEL good & I'm not talking about your face, sugarlips. (Let's talk confidence Here!) Go one step further for me. It's not the clothes that are the magic solution for those days, but again, it doesn't hurt right? Even if you're an individual that doesn't particularly get up and "get ready" for work, getting ready can be a CRUCIAL part of your routine that will get you out of bed and out of those pajamas and into the world. Show them what you're made of!
First, it's SELF TALK.
Gratitude, my love. Shift that mindset.
"I don't want to get up." "Just 5 more minutes." "I look like shit." "I cant do this."
"I'm too tired."
FIGHT. RELENTLESSLY. But, with Grace. Why are you "too tired"? Because you haven't moved. You haven't properly fueled your body. You haven't properly LOVED yourself. Your body works and fights every day to keep you alive. Appreciate that shit. CARE FOR HER!
KNOW you are fallible. You are not perfect. You are not a machine. Stop expecting so much shit from yourself and your days, but don't just STOP completely. Small baby steps of progress every day is all you need. If you've been in bed for 3 days, taking the blanket off of you today IS progress. Tomorrow if the only thing you accomplish is putting your feet on the ground, THATS progress. If you lay on the ground while you take a shower, YOU TOOK A FUCKING SHOWER! Stop looking around and comparing yourself to everyone else's progress acting like you don't have time to create your own.
"I'll never get there. I'll never be where they are."
Well, no, not from your bed you won't, you're right. But you CAN start. You CAN take control of what's controllable. You CAN build self-worth on Day 1 - 00:00.00. Take that step, Darling.
Now after YEARS of negative perspectives, self-comparatives, and self-doubt, we can often find ourselves battling the habitual intrusive thoughts that we've become so accustomed to over the years. Set reminders. Post images. Place them everywhere you spend your time. You can do this on your own, or here is a list of items you might find come in handy. I know they have helped me.
This is a one-day-at-a-time approach to planning out your day providing a sense of motivation and accomplishment. There is a section to list what you are grateful for to build that mindset habit!
Take a few minutes every day to write down some grateful thoughts to help keep your momentum! This journal will guide you day and night to help keep that focus. Keep by your bed for first thing in the morning and right before bed.
For the more vulgar individuals like me, who also need reminders, this rip-away sticky notes are fun to place all over your house, car, or office to remind you who tf you are and to keep channeling that inner bad-bitch.
To Reiterate, these products are NOT the solution to your problems. YOU are the solution. These are just tiny tools that help keep you focused.
Yes, those ads make me money. Did you Not see that I have four children? FOUR.
& Shit is expensive these days! A bitch needs paid, okay?! Lolll.
Second, MAKE THE TIME
We've all said it - "I don't have time for that" or some other form of "I just don't want to". None of this is ever going to work if you don't be REAL with yourself. I'm up there with one of the "busiest" people. Recently, I had a day where I had to work on a habitat house building site from 8:30-4:30. (Highly suggest volunteering. Fulfills purpose within you and helps another. Win, Win.) Around 3:30pm, I receive a phone call which ended in me needing to drive my son up to his father's area which is an hour away. After that, I received a text asking to help with my daughter's all-star softball team practice from 5pm-8pm. Knowing that I wouldn't be back by 5, I let them know I could help when I return from dropping off my son. So, after working outside in the direct sun for 7.5 hours, I drove home, picked up my son, drove him an hour to his father, drove back another hour straight to the ballpark with my hair mangled from the hard hat, fingers aching, soaked in ALL the boob sweat and still in my Timberland construction boots, I arrived at the little league around 6:20 and was able to help until completion, and even stayed after a little bit with my daughter for a little 1:1 pitching and hitting w Momma. (That was one HELL of a sentence wasn't it, lol) I didn't get home until after 9. Kind of wanted to cry, lol. Now even within this day, I was able to get not one, but TWO workouts in, drank a gallon of water (Half Gallon Water Bottle), read 10 pages of a book, and still maintained good food choices. (Sounds familiar? Yes, it's 75 Hard. Shut up, lol)
I'd be happy to show you the last two months of my schedule. LITERALLY baseball/softball games every single evening. If there wasn't a game, there was a practice. Some games on the same day at the same time and different locations, running from one to the next hoping to catch the end of it if I could. If you want to know HOW I do it, Look Here. Be intentional with your time. Let me be clear about something.. MAKE YOUR BED. Psychologically speaking, it's good for you. Don't make me get into all that shit, just trust me, ok? What's the worst that's going to happen? & I gain NOTHING from you making your bed. Get that shower in, wash your face, wash that ass, and put on something you love or at the very least something that makes you FEEL good. These steps prime your day and boost that mindset.
Third, GET UNCOMFORTABLE
Now, you're probably thinking, "J, you JUST told me to get in comfortable clothes" - you're right I did. Because why not be comfortable physically, when it's NECESSARY to be uncomfortable mentally. Listen, as much as I wish I could make all of this stress, anxiety, & depression go away with a snap of my fingers without you feeling a single ounce of discomfort, I can't. It just doesn't work like that. The sooner you realize & ACCEPT (Key Word!) that this shit takes time, effort, patience, pain, discomfort, insert more unpleasant words here - the better it'll feel and the better the experience will be.
We've heard all of the phrases.
"Trust the Process" "Let Go of What You Can't Control" "Time Heals Everything"
Unfortunately, we've heard them so much they tend to lose their depth. We see and hear so many words with the internet and social media but are we really stopping and LISTENING? Are you really taking the time to absorb those words? Sure, some of them out there are bullshit. But in all seriousness, with my 20+ years of experience with Mental Health struggles (I'm 36), you truly do have to TRUST the process, and TRUST the timing of everything. Above all TRUST YOURSELF. You have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations and trust that it will get better, and it will get easier, because it does. Will some days be worse than others? ABSOLUTELY. Day 1 isn't always the hardest, but it does carry that connotation. Sometimes it might be Day 4, or Day 17 where the anxiety hits you the worst and you want to bail. But WHY. WHY bail? WHY now? You've already done it! - at least 16 times before that! MINDSET, my love. Yes, it's uncomfortable. Fuck them. Fuck those intrusive thoughts. Intentionally control your mind and don't let those thoughts linger. We can't always help that they pop up the way they do, but we for sure can make sure they don't stick around.
Stay. Don't Bail. Breathe instead. Walk away and take a moment. Take control. Talk to yourself. All of you Panic Pals of mine. We all know the "impending doom". You're sitting in the booth of a restaurant. On the inside, you know, where you can't get out unless everyone else does. You feel it coming. Your face gets hot, you take a drink of your water. Your heart starts to race, you water trembles in your hand. You set it down, you smile and try to stay engaged in the conversation, but you are the furthest away from the conversation right now. Smiling, adding filler words to make it seem like you are still there, laughing when the others laugh. You start to replay all of your previously googled anxiety resolution searches in your head - breathing techniques, pressure points, mindfulness techniques, awareness exercises. Your world spins. You get dizzy. Your breathing is now shallow and fast. Your chest is heavy. "I'm going to pass out. I'm going to look so stupid!" "What if I'm dying right now? What is WRONG with me?!"
Its scary how accurate I am isn't it? But then it happens, the explosive moment. "I gotta get out of here." The bail. The embarrassment of telling the person next to you to move because you need to get away. Luckily, with a restaurant we can just "use the restroom". The restroom has been my sanctuary on more occasions than I would like to admit. But it provided me space to breathe. SO many times I've wanted to leave, and actually on some, I have. I eventually got tired of letting down my loved ones, and most of all myself. Not experiencing the laughter and joy and having the memories. I was ready to be done with it. & One day.... I just was. You have to be too.
This step really fits nicely with the third. We have to KNOW that shit is going to be hard. We have to KNOW that it's not going to be easy and it's not going to always feel good. But we also have to know, that it's OK. It's 10000% OK to NOT be OK. Some days we will be mentally strong and shit won't bother us that much. & Some days, Sis, it just be GETTIN' to us like crazy. The smallest things can bring us to tears. Small sounds overstimulate us. The look on someone's face is enough to make you want to throw a car. But it's just a face, am i right? It's just a look. It's just a sound. Accepting that all of these things are out of your control is going to be KEY here. We cannot control others - not their thoughts or their behaviors. And when those thoughts or behaviors directly impact us, it's just the worst isn't it? But that ain't on us. That does not reflect us. Be so confident in knowing who YOU are, that your inner peace becomes unshakeable. If we break that down one step further and simplify it. It's just not giving a fuck, lol. It really is a challenge tho. I have some days where I walk through any storm like I can't be brought down by not a SINGLE thing. & other days, the wind blows and I lose my shit. Lets recognize those days a little more. Let's pay more attention on those days and provide ourselves with a little more care and grace. Let's ACCEPT that we are not infallible and it's just going to be like that sometimes. Because it do be like that sometimes, lol. Why are we so hard on ourselves over these types of days? The person you love most, when they have a day like this, what do you say to them? Do you condemn them? Do you tell them they are wrong and just a piece of shit? Of course not. Love yourself enough to do the same. If you don't think you deserve to love yourself like this, why on earth are you letting other's love you? (Lemme Help You: it's because deep down, you know you deserve it. You just have to find it.)
Control what you CAN. Let Go of what you CAN'T. Someone bad mouthing you? Let it be. That's a them problem. You know who you are. Have a bill you can't pay? Make a call. Communicate. Understand business is business and move accordingly. Someone backed into your car? Didn't leave information? Love them anyway. They are probably going through some shit just like You goin' through some shit. (but they don't have my words like you do empowering tf out of them. Ha!) Call your insurance company. Take the next steps, move on. Your child gets a bad grade. Why? Whats Up? Talk to them. Let the anger chill. Find the Root Cause and make a plan to navigate a tough place for them WITH them. ACCEPT that all kinds of shit is going to happen in your life. Be unreactive, ON PURPOSE. Approach all events in your life with neutrality. Hear/See it. Process it. Understand whether it's favorable or not & make your next move. Why are we sitting around getting so upset and letting so much time pass over things that are not within our control? And if we can control them, why are we letting so much time pass before we take charge and just handle it. Let me guess. It's... uncomfortable? Lol. See what I did there? I'm adorable.
Finally, TRY AGAIN
My girl Aaliyah (RIP) said it best, "If at first you don't succeed. Dust yourself off and try again." I know she wasn't the creator of the phrase or the first to say it, but her version gives me all the feels. You GOTTA be resilient man. Unyielding Resiliency. You have to act like your life depends on it, because IT DOES. Are you REALLY ok with breaking down with sadness or anxiety every day? Are you REALLY okay with being constantly overwhelmed or overstimulated? Are you REALLY okay with missing out on memories with your family, loved ones, and/or kids? Missing out on new experiences with those said loved ones? *Insert Biden voice* C'mon MAN. You have to KEEP GOING. You have to KEEP FIGHTING. I'm not one of those people that's going to say "if you're not going to do it for you, do it for your kids (or other example)"
FUCK THAT. Do it for you & ONLY you. Doing it for anyone else is just continuing the mindset that their worth supersedes your own and it doesn't. You will never build self-worth always putting others above yourself. I mention loved ones above for YOUR memories, the fact that they get to have You in Their memories is a bonus.
I want to make myself crystal clear that I am not telling you to Keep Going despite your feelings. I *kind of* am but hear me out. Feel your feelings, my love. Feel ALL of them. When it's to the point of overflowing, intentionally take 5, 10, or 94 minutes to feel them. Sit on your bed and cry it out. Scream out of anger. Breathe through your anxiety. But DONT LIVE THERE. Do Not let it consume your whole day. Do Not let it bleed out in your conversations with others. Set boundaries and tell them that you want to give them the attention they deserve your capacity is limited right now. Be aware of your OWN self. Be aware of your limitations and short comings. Communicate those things with those you feel need to know. Provide yourself with Grace and know that it's okay that you felt those feelings. You just can't let them control you. YOU control your brain and body. Your body and brain do NOT control YOU. So you stumbled a little bit. Try. Again.
Now GET out there! Get Dressed & Show Up Like a Boss